This Time of Year We Can All Use Mental Strength

I have been having a particularly bad case of seasonal affective disorder this year. It's been very hard for me to drag myself out of bed, and every inevitable annoyance ticks me closer to the time bomb going off. I can't focus on writing, can't seem to get anything done, and then feel guilty about it. Just in time, along comes my good friend Rayne Hall, writing with co author James O'Donnell. I just love the British flavour.

Rayne has been kind enough to provide this excerpt, 'Withstanding Temptations',  a timely topic at a time when many people struggle with their New Year's resolutions. Mental Strength is on sale for 99 cents! Let's get some discussion going!

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How are your resolutions holding up in the face of temptation? Do you remember your goals when it really counts?

How well a person is able to control their impulses reveals their mental strength and predicts how successful they will become.

Temptations sabotage our goals and undermine our resolutions. They come in many forms. A husband may want to stay faithful to his wife, but if another woman sets out to seduce him, he may succumb. A woman may resolve to stick to a diet to look great in her wedding dress, but when her friend presents her with a sumptuous home-baked chocolate gateau, she may set aside her resolution and indulge.

When the lure is strong, can you resist the pull?

Your mind needs to weigh instant gratification (sex with the seductress now, the melting sweet creaminess of the chocolate gateau on the tongue) against bigger future benefits (your wife's trusting love, stunning looks for your wedding and in photos) and delay gratification for the greater gain.

Here are three techniques to help you win.

• Keep your motivation in the forefront of your mind. Remind yourself of the reasons why you want to achieve something. The more you think about your reasons—during acute temptations as well as at other times—the more power your rational mind will get over your impulses.

• You can strengthen your impulse control (your won't-power) by exercising it constantly. Expose yourself to temptations a little and often in light challenges, and you will grow stronger.

• Observe at what times your willpower (you may call it your 'won't-power') is weakest. Avoid meeting major temptations when these circumstances apply. Here are the nine patterns to watch out for:

1. The time of the day plays a big role. For many people, willpower is strong in the morning but gradually lessens during the day, and is weakest in the evenings and at night. Your personal pattern may differ.

2. The influence of drugs and alcohol can make it difficult or impossible to control your impulses. If you absolutely have to meet the woman who has the hots for you, make sure you're sober.

3. The weather, temperature and phase of the moon can erode your resistance to certain temptations. For example, may be quicker to rouse to violence during the full moon, or crave calorie-laden food when it's cold.

4. An empty stomach reduces impulse control. This is a big factor when shopping. Hungry people buy more and spend more. So if you want to stick to a budget, do our shopping after you've had a meal, not before.

5. Other people have a major influence on your behaviour. During your struggles between rational choice and impulse, their words and actions will sway you. This is especially important if you want to break habits or recover from addictions. If you want to quit smoking, don't hang out with people who puff continuously, and if you want to lose weight, stay away from those who keep offering you chocolate and say "come on, just one".

6. When you're feeling dejected, exhausted, frustrated or lonely, you're likely to crave instant gratification, especially in the form of comfort food or alcoholic drink. Your willpower is lower than usual. You can deal with this by treating yourself to some other soothing comfort.

7. Anger tends to lead to impulse actions before the rational mind has a chance to step in.

8. Hormonal changes can intensify cravings and lessen your resistance for example during PMS or pregnancy.  Observe what effects you, and be prepared.

9. Willpower is a limited resource. When you've used a lot of it, you may not have enough left to withstand temptation. After you resisted the allure of the temptress all evening, you may not be able to say 'no' to a cigarette, even though you meant to quit.

Action Point

Create a manageable temptation and expose yourself continuously to it. For example, if you have a sweet tooth, place a cookie jar or a box of chocolates on your desk where you see it many times all day long.

Since you're aware that this is a temptation and are prepared to encounter it, your impulse control will be strong. You will almost certainly be able to resist. But it will take an effort, and this effort will strengthen your willpower.

Progress Assignment

Identify the times and situations when your willpower and impulse control are lower than normal. Late in the evening? During rainy weather? On the first day of your monthly period? Write a list and keep it on your computer or in your appointments diary.

During those phases, seek to avoid all temptations. At other times, you may choose to actively seek them out.

Strategy

You can't escape all temptations, they are part of life. But you can prepare for them. Anticipate them as far as possible, and fortify yourself. Remind yourself of your motivations, and visualise that bigger goal with its benefits.

If you have to meet the tempting seductress and know she'll use the opportunity to try to seduce you, hold a picture of your living wife in your mind on the way there. Before arranging a visit to the gateau-baking friend, visualise yourself looking slim and stunning in a figure-hugging wedding gown.

Rayne's Author Page

Out With The Old and In With the New

The last time I took a deep breath was October. Hurricane Sandy, though it did no lasting damage to my home or family, disrupted everyday life for months. Power problems, cable problems, gas lines, traffic jams, participating in relief efforts--time marched on until the Sandy Hook shootings which came close, but thankfully did not harm any of the friends and loved ones who live in Newtown-physically anyway.

Despite an absolutely miserable year health wise, which included trying to recover from a debilitating case of tendonitis in my right arm (made worse by writing and "mousing"), topped off by yet another knee injury (on the left this time), and a host of other troubles, none of which turned out to be serious but nevertheless created great anxiety, I was able to finish, proofread, format and submit two novels. The Widow's Walk, second in the Cape Cod Paranormal Romance Series and Boulevard of Bad Spell and Broken Dreams: Void of Course, the first in The Bronx Urban Fantasy Series.

Always being the type to try and make lemons out of lemonade, like a true midwife, my belief in complementary and alternative medicine and spiritual healing enabled me to experience the power of yoga and meditation, acupuncture and energy healing, as well as Santeria in a way that has both enhanced my life and my writing. Special thanks go out to Deborah Blake, Aida, and Nan who infuse everything they do with deep, abiding belief in the metaphysical and who have allowed me into their world and practice.

I was able to attract the interest of several agents, and the jury is still out as to whether any of the two who have full manuscripts in hand aren't responding because they're busy, the attachments are trapped in spam, aren't interested, or a combination of all the above.

I've semi plotted (I am a panster) the third and second books in each respective series.

In the last year, three short stories based on characters and situations in the novels have been published in the Ten Tales Series (Breakwater Beach in Haunted, The Dhampir's Kiss in Bites, and Mishmash Magick in Beltane). One additional is on submission for Seer: Ten Tales of Clairvoyance and another serial anthology.

I've taken the time to solicit additional crits for two shorts languishing in oblivion "Fairyflies" and "The Ultimate Test," both of which are making the rounds of suitable venues.

I've appeared in the Voices of Fiction series, thanks to Cher Green  and in The Next Big Thing thanks to Rayne Hall. A very busy spring and summer of submissions paid off big time with several nonfiction excerpts published or re-released this fall, including "Artichokes" in A Quilt of Holidays, "The Dance Class" and "Endless Possibilities" in This Path, and "A Catholic Schoolgirl's Primer" in Not Your Mother's Book: On Being a Woman. Several excerpts of my memoirs Someday I'm Going to Write a Book and Karma, Kickbacks, and Kids are still out on submission and I eagerly await word on their fate.

All my publications are now in one place: my very own Amazon Author's Page. 

Since September, I've been deeply immersed in doctoral studies--something I've needed and wanted to do for a long time. It's as awful and wonderful as I expected--mind numbing and opening at the same time-as is any scholarly pursuit. 

Flickers of bad memories of the mental and physical exhaustion from the intensity of graduate study while going through a divorce from my first husband and working full time have come back, even though my social situation is much different. Being a mother of three (and the teenagers/young adults are worse than the school agers) and working full time (in two separate positions) in an electronic medical record implementation induced pressure cooker has done nothing to calm my nerves.

Suffice it to say my average bedtime has gone from 10 pm to 1 am, while my average awakening remains at 5:30 am, leaving me in a sleep deprived, perpetually heart racing, how many balls can I keep in the air at the same time before I reach the marathon finish line--or drop everything.

he last repairs were made to our phone, Internet and cable system on January 4! Kudos to Con Ed and Verizon for superior customer service. Three thumbs down to Time Warner Cable for abysmal service. Shame on Slomins, a Long Island based alarm and heating oil company. My alarm system just came back online last week due to cable and other programming outages, they weren't even answering the phone for two weeks, couldn't get a techncian out to my house until after the holidays, and still have the cohones to refuse to grant any service credit. Will be looking for a new provider this year.

Goals for 2013 include completing this semester--the heaviest in terms of didactic studies both credit wise and content wise--with a statistical methods course and health informatics program. Five major assignments and counting for one, three for the other, not including the weekly statistical analysis exercise, work on my project proposal and IRB applications--ah yes, I have outdone myself this time. 

It will all be a bad memory by the end of February, when the credit load drops by half and the preparation for the clinical research (I love being with patients) begins. I look forward to a glorious summer off to write fiction--always my first love--while I continue to market my novels.

There are points of light--LunaCon in March, CTRWA events, the monthly meeting on Saturday and FictionFest shining through the darkness like beacons of hope (purple prose notwithstanding). 

As always, thanks to fellow members of the Professional Author's Group, the Anticipation Workshops and my fellow my Taos Toolbox alumni, many of whom I got to read, write, drink and otherwise hang with at Worldcon 2012.

And to Andrew Richardson, fellow member of critters.org who waits every so patiently for the manuscript swaps and is always there to lend a hand when I need it, as well as a broad virtual shoulder when the writing tasks collide with reality. I hope to finally get to meet him--and Rayne Hall, editor extraordinare, when I attend Worldon 2014 in London.

Speaking of Rayne, she nominated me and Tracie McBride for The Next Big Thing, and I've nominated Andrew. His post, and his big news about another sale, will be up on right here this  Saturday.